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Kelham’s Blog

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The Crime Of Blaming Others For Your Unmet Needs And Fears

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Photo by helloimnik on Unsplash Not too long ago, I spoke about not being my own protector. I am projecting onto others the responsibility for catering to my unmet needs. This is how I figured it out: For the last few months, I have been learning about the stock market. As such, to keep on top of things I need to get back to the pc, watch the news and overall get ready with a comfortable amount...

Finding My Passion In life

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I am in the process of finding my passion in life, my joi de vivre. Growing up, I was not allowed to be myself. I was only praised when I held the same values as others in the family. This was worsened as I was the youngest child with two much older siblings. I effectively grew up in a family of four adults. This meant that instead of developing my own personality and values, I developed a hybrid...

I Gave Up On My Goals

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My goals have been sorely lacking in the last few months. This is what it did to me… This is going to be a rough one. Not for me, but I am thinking it will for a lot of you. If you’re a regular you may notice that I haven’t written anything in months. Last night just before I was getting ready to go to sleep, I watched a video by Dr. Kanojia, otherwise known as HealthyGamerGG...

The curse of my perfectionism and procrastination

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My perfectionism and procrastination have plagued me my whole life. When I was a child, my parents gave me a new set of pencils. I only sharpened one pencil and used that one pencil until it was all used up. I then systematically went onto the next pencil and the next and so on. This was not an isolated case. Obsessive-compulsive you may say? Hmm… Although I now have far fewer...

Why is he ignoring me? This is how men really feel

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Some context: This is a 95% raw conversation Aria and I had with a member of our community. Nina needed to know “why is he ignoring me?” after a breakup. She had sent him a long text wall explaining her point of view and why an answer is crucial for her well being. James didn’t answer so Aria had the idea of me roleplaying as Nina’s boyfriend to shed light on the situation...

The importance of rest

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In I’ve been a slave to stress I realised that I was spinning my wheels in place as I was stressed out of my mind. Only recently did I discover the true importance of rest. I did not solve my stress problem. Last time you heard from me, I realised that I needed to focus on doing what I felt like doing instead of “have to’s“, but the problem is I did not actually put that...

I’ve been a slave to stress.

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I’ve been stressing about the success of the Homecave project ever since we started it. Most of the blog posts I have written were from revelations that I had before we launched the server. As of late, I have written far less often as my mind has been consumed by Homecave succeeding. I have a strong feeling that I have lost my sense of self as I have poured everything I am into the server...

I don’t trust myself.

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I want to preface this by saying that this is entirely my fault. Let me summarise the events that led up to my realisation that I don’t trust myself. Yesterday as of writing, I had an argument with Aria about the site. I felt like I had no creative freedom as I felt like she was controlling me. Although this was the catalyst, I actually felt like Aria was controlling the entire Homecave...

Coming to Terms with Esoteric Concepts as an agnostic

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As an agnostic, there are many esoteric concepts that hail from different philosophies that I have shunned in the past. I have labelled whole belief systems as “stupid” with merely a cursory glance. Only now am I beginning to see value where I was once blind. Over time I have come to terms with the idea that everyone has some wisdom to give, no matter their level of education...

The cause of my self hate

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I am dealing with the self hate imposed on me in my childhood: I have written about the various reasons that I could not commit to life. One of them was my self hate. Today I aim to go into detail on that issue. Growing up, I did not get credit for my achievements. My mother always took them for herself. When she would talk about something she and I did together, I SPECIFICALLY note that every...

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