A while ago I had the very rare opportunity to vent about a socially unacceptable subject. It was related to the hate I harboured for a certain demographic.
This is How I came to understand the other side and in doing so Find the Cure for hate
I don’t want to hate! Hate comes from fear and ignorance. I don’t want to be ignorant because, from my personal experience, ignorance causes harm. The last thing I want to do is cause unconscious harm. Thus, I needed to find a cure for hate.
Despite that, it felt good to be able to let it all out to somebody that would normally disapprove of it but was still kind enough to hold space for me and be understanding.
I told them several instances where that demographic caused harm to me and why my perception of it has changed from mostly unphased by them, into outright hate. I was also able to count a few instances where I was pleasantly surprised and grateful to the members of this demographic, however, the harmful and hateful side far outweighed the more pleasant occurrences.
After that venting session was over I finally had the clarity and calm I needed to want to understand the situation better so I laid down and meditated upon the whole ordeal.
I didn’t get very far just by meditating so I went on YouTube and I first looked up a video of how people who have the same hate as me, react to that specific demographic.
I was shocked.
The reason why I had such a disturbing reaction was not because of the foul and appalling things they said to the other people, but because I completely agreed with it! I had the strength and honesty to realize that I actually felt exactly as they did.
You NEVER go too far on the one side!
If you’re too heavy on a certain idea or against something, YOU are in the wrong!
The truth is always in the middle and it is our duty to see and understand both sides before we make any decision.
Seeing some very old and presumably mature adults acting like ***k-heads towards that demographic made me come to the realisation that, maybe I’m wrong.
Even though the sight shook me from my very roots, I couldn’t just drop it yet. I still didn’t know what this hate was, where it was coming from, why I had it, and why should I NOT hate?!
So next I went and watched a video of the opposition talking about their thoughts on my type of haters. Lucky for me, I did not find another rage monkey but this time it was a centred individual that has done their research and looked at things from a more objective point of view.
Through their eyes, I learned much more about myself and how this group of people interact, where they hang out, what they do, how they feel to both one another and the opposition, etc.
I Saw the whole picture.
That was finally when fear of my hate for them enveloped me and I wanted to shake it off like a layer of cockroaches that I never realized were there, all the time, crawling up and down my skin.
I finally saw what damage my actions and thoughts were doing. But it wasn’t due to the video author’s perspective. The videos didn’t change my mind in the way that their authors wanted to, they just helped me see a bigger picture. I drew my own conclusions and connected my own dots.
And what an explosive chain reaction it was.
Not only did I understand what was harmful about my hate, but more importantly I understood how the opposition feels and finally how it affects both of us and the whole world.
Photo by Daniel Lincoln
but wait, there’s more!
I also made some personal realizations of what I was projecting off myself from this hate.
More often than not, when you hate something, it means you hate that trait within yourself – it’s called projection, and it works the same way with love too.
So what are the traits that I hate the most In myself that I see in this demographic?
Here’s just a few of the traits that I disagreed with:
I hate that they’re stupid, ignorant of other people’s needs/emotions, vicious when angered or crossed, misleading with half-truths and even lies, selfish or self-centred at times and blatantly unaware of their own cruelty and harm they can cause.
And it checks out! I’ve definitely done all of the above in my life, mostly being unaware. I’ve always excused my actions because I believed they were for a righteous cause.