My goals have been sorely lacking in the last few months. This is what it did to me…
This is going to be a rough one. Not for me, but I am thinking it will for a lot of you.
If you’re a regular you may notice that I haven’t written anything in months. Last night just before I was getting ready to go to sleep, I watched a video by Dr. Kanojia, otherwise known as HealthyGamerGG, and although I originally watched it because I find his criticism of psychology (his own field) highly insightful, it caused me to ask some questions of myself. Somewhat random things are often what trigger me to have realisations. Who knows…
At about 12:15 in the video, Dr. K listed some important questions that we sadly very often forgo.
“Our society has been focusing on the medical definition of depression and as we study neurochemistry and have pharmacology companies that come out with new drugs; we put so much emphasis in that direction that we’ve stopped asking ourselves these questions”– Dr. Alok Kanojia
Asking myself none of these questions in particular but instead just ruminating over the generalised feeling they gave me, I realised something that hit me like a truck.
I Gave Up On My Goals.
Why did I give up on my goals???
I thought about this while lying in bed and I quickly jotted down a few things on my phone so I would not forget them. It came to me all at once. It has taken me longer than two months to figure this out, but once I figured out the root cause it all clicked into place very quickly. “The curse of my perfectionism and procrastination” was written on the 3rd of October, and I am now writing this on the 29th of November. I ranted about it for about 2 minutes to Aria, then went to sleep soon after.
Now to figure out the cause, I should reveal what my goal was. Homecave was originally Aria’s brainchild. I do a significant amount of work for it, but the vision has always been hers. My goal was to help her make the world a better place by writing about my own personal development journey. This would help people relate to personal problems through my words, and at the same time, I would also advise people individually.
The overarching goal would be to help make personal development, being empathetic and emotionally intelligent as something highly regarded, possibly even a worldwide trend. To reach this goal, the idea was for Homecave to be a hub where people may reach their desired life outcomes, to learn and to grow.
Over a period of several months, I began to notice that very few people took my advice, and even fewer still were able to put it into action. I started to feel like I haven’t been able to help anyone. I actually did consciously reduce the amount of advice I gave people as I wanted to allow people the freedom to express their own opinions, but on the other hand, I also began to feel a sense of futility in giving any advice at all.
With no goal, of course I have no direction! Of course I have no motivation! Of course I procrastinate!
Just realising this last night helped me. It seems counterintuitive, as I now no longer have a goal, but the thing is, I now realise I have been goalless for months now. I have known that my wish to give individual advice has eroded over time, but I did not realise the impact it had. In ‘The Cause Of My Self Hate‘ I said that PURPOSE is my meaning in life. Well, for the last few months, I haven’t had any purpose!
Sure, I have been working on myself emotionally, I’ve been eating healthily, I’ve been active in Discord, but I haven’t written anything substantial, I’ve not been working towards the cause. I figured out another goal to work towards and I think it may be exactly what I need.
My NEW goal:
To be the example of what I believe in. To live the life, and tell my story, and then people will follow me if they wish to do so.
I will not try to force people, because that, evidently, does not work.